Last night I dreamt of a little boy with
brown hair and big brown eyes. 

His middle name was James. 

And I woke wondering what his name would have been.

I'm ready to be done with the diapers and outlet covers. 

With the baby gates and cabinet locks. 

 I'm ready to leave a room for 5 minutes

 and know that everyone can take care of themselves

 while I use the bathroom. 

I'm ready to run out to the store

or take a trip

and not have to pack

a sippy cup

or diapers

or snacks.

I'm ready to not have to plan my day

around naps

and know that if we want to stay out

and push bedtime back a little

that it will be ok.

But in my dreams,

my heart still aches for

the little boy

that will never be

and I wonder how ready I really am.