There have been 2 things that seem to keep creeping up in my life lately and I feel like it's finally time for me to address them. The first is the "Drowning" post I wrote a couple weeks ago, and while most everyone was supportive, I feel I need to explain myself for several others. I am okay. I am not depressed. I had a baby 9 weeks ago, spent 4 weeks by myself with the kids for at least 10 hours a day, and the next week on my own with my children 24/7. I have not slept a full night in at least 3 months, and when I do sleep I am quickly awakened by a baby who needs her momma. I also returned to work a mere 6 weeks after having said baby. I am tired, and at times, I am overwhelmed with all I have to do in a day. The house doesn't seem to clean itself and the clothes don't magically get washed. There are things I have to do, and doing these things in addition to not only taking care of my children, but 5 others, and all on very little sleep, is overwhelming at times. That's it. Nothing more, nothing less. I am okay. I was simply having a difficult day with very little sleep and decided to put myself out there and explain how I was feeling. I know that this will get better as Scarlett grows and we all get some much needed sleep, but I am also realistic enough to know that there are always going to be days that are overwhelming.
The second issue that I need to address is my job. Yes, that's right, I do have a job. Some seem to think that because my job is not a "traditional" one that involves me leaving my house or dropping my children off somewhere means that I don't work and don't know what it means to be a working mom. Well, let me tell you people, I work. 10 hours a day. With no break, no adults to talk to, and, most times, without a closed bathroom door. I work. And just because I am fortunate enough to have my children with me all day, doesn't mean I don't struggle just like the moms who don't. I cried my first day back to work with both Scarlett and Grayson, and there are still days that I cry. I cried because I had to return to work 6 short weeks after my babies were born, and I just don't think it's enough. I cried because, both times, I had to watch my babies cry themselves to sleep while I took care of something or someone else. Something I don't think a 6-week old baby should have to do. And I still cry at times because, like many working moms, there are days that I wish I could just be a "stay-at-home mom" with just my kids. While some may be envious of the fact that I don't have to "go back to work and pump" to keep my baby fed, there are times that I am envious of the fact that they can. They can take a break or 2 in the middle of their day to pump. I can't. And if I can't pump, my baby can't practice taking a bottle, which means I can't leave her for more than 2 hours at a time, and occasionally it would be nice to leave and not have to stress about how long I've been gone the entire time.
I'm not trying to cause problems or start any arguments, and I'm not complaining about my life or my job. I am merely trying to address issues that are relevant to my life. And when all is said and done, I'm just trying to raise my family and do my work to the best of my ability, just like every other mom I know, who occasionally get overwhelmed by it all.
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9 comments:
For what it's worth...I never thought you were depressed. :-) I think we all have those moments where we feel like we're drowning in work or laundry or cleaning or diapers or whatever. The lack of sleep just makes it that much worse too. As for the job issue...your job is a lot harder than mine. I'm sorry if I've ever said anything to imply that you've got it easy because I know it's difficult to take care of just MY kids some days never mind 3 or 4 more at the same time!
We moms never really catch a break, huh? Stay at home moms yearn for adult contact. Work out of the home moms have to trust the care of their babies to other people and miss out on being there when their babies are sad or reaching milestones. Work at home moms have to divide time between their babies and their job responsibilities so they also can't fully be there for sad babies and happy milestones. In your case you also deal with the missing adult interaction bit. Like you said, we're all trying to do our best! I think you're doing a fine job!
Well put. You know how to reach me if you need me.
Thanks Amanda!
Melissa ~ You hit the mail on the head. I don't think any one mom has the perfect situation, but we all try to do the best we can. Unfortunately, I think we're also the hardest on ourselves and on others. I know that I am blessed to be able to do what I do. I guess I just have a hard time with people questioning or belittling my choices sometimes. Thanks for the support!!
I too, am sorry if I have said anything that made you feel that I think your job is anything less than...well...the hardest job EVER! In my world, the easy days are the days I am at work, the hard ones are the ones I am home with my kids. I wouldn't give them up, but they are still much harder for me. And finding a balance between the two is near impossible.
I have so much respect for you and what you do on a daily basis. And how you ALWAYS greet my kids at the door with a warm smile and a "good morning!" as though nothing ever has gone wrong in the hours before their arrival.
You make MY job easier b/c I know that when I am not able to be with my kids, they are with someone who loves and respects them and takes care of them as though they are her own.
If there is anything I can ever do to make your job easier, please tell me. I would love to be as helpful to you as you are to me.
care of them as I would.
Ditto to what everyone else said... goodness I hope I never said anything to make you feel like your job was lesser then mine because I have said it a billion times that I think the job you do is hard, WAY more difficult then mine.
Heck how freaking scared was I to have both kids with me when you took your maternity leave!? I think you are super woman for doing what you do even before you ever got pregnant or had a baby!!!
Anyway, you totally rock!
Hmmm...that's funny. I'm not sure what the heck happened with my second post up there. LOLOLOL
Kelly, you amaze me with what you do everyday! I don't ever want you to think that I don't think you have a real job, your job is as real as they get! I know I have said before that you are lucky to be able to stay home with your kids, but I know that it isn't as easy as it looks. I never really stopped to think that you can't spend all of your time and attention on your kids. I'm sorry if I have said anything to make you think that what you do isn't difficult. I hope things start working out with sleep. But until then just know that you are a very super mom, and your kids are so lucky to have you!!
AMEN SISTER!!!
Very eloquently stated! And I am proud of you that you have the courage to say it! So often, I think we Moms feel like we have to to endure it all. But, because you were brave enough to come out and address the difficulties and stresses of not only what you do on a day to day basis, but on what we all do on a day to day basis, you have made us all seamlessly bonded as Moms. And, you have reminded us to have compassion for each Mom in her own "mommy" situation! You are so awesome and brave! I miss having Mac walk into your house and get the greeting that Nicki spoke about. I miss the tidbits of "mommy genious" that I see when you interact with the kids. I constantly find myself saying, "what would Kelly do." I need a WWKD bracelet!
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