Bitter Sweet

Grayson left yesterday afternoon for his first ever overnight visit at Grandpa and Abi's house without us. In the week and a half leading up to this I have to tell you that I was sadly excited at the prospect of having a weekend with just Scarlett and Nate. I was so excited that we would be able to go shopping together without having to worry about whether or not it was lunch time, or nap time, or whether or not Gray was going to have a meltdown in the middle of Target. I was excited about being able to lay on my couch all day and not having to get up except to change Scarlett's diaper, and being able to sit through an entire movie without having to worry about the language. I was excited to just relax, because, let's face it, Scarlett just doesn't require that much of me right now. And then Grandpa came and picked Gray up and my world suddenly became too quiet, too easy, and too relaxing. I sit here and wonder what in the world we did before our beautiful little boy came into our lives because it seems so empty here without him.

Don't get me wrong, Nate and I are enjoying ourselves. We slept in, laid around, went for a quiet lunch and ice cream, and finally made it to the Verizon store to update our phones, something we never would have gotten done if we had Grayson with us. But over lunch we inevitably started talking about Gray and as we talked to each other with tears in our eyes, I said a prayer of thanks for my son. And for being given the opportunity to see just how empty my life would be without him.