Sentimental

For some reason I have really been struggling for the past couple of weeks with the fact that Grayson is growing up. I know he's doing exactly what he is supposed to do, but why does he have to do it so fast? I remember when Gray was a baby and thinking that things were tough because he relied on me for absolutely EVERYTHING. I was so tired that I actually resented having to get up with him in the middle of the night a time or two (or three or four). And I know there was more than one occasion when I know I thought, things will be easier when he gets older. But now that the baby is gone and a bright, cheerful, loving little boy emerges, I just want my baby back.

I find myself trying to hold on to him just a little bit longer and tighter with each hug, even as he struggles to run away again. Tonight, I actually found myself avoiding bedtime. I just wanted to sit and hold Gray and have him fall asleep in my arms like he used to, but my clever little guy just looked at me and said, "Ready for bed. Go upstairs." And as I tried to prolong the cuddles and read just one more book so that I could sit and rock him for just a few moments more, he quietly said, "Read by myself in my bed." So what else could I do? I helped him into his bed, gave him his blankets and his book, told him I loved him and made my way to the door. And just as the door was about to close I heard Gray call me back with, "I need kisses and hugs."

So, though I know that the baby he once was is never coming back, at least he still needs me for a goodnight kiss. Soon enough I'm sure even that will be cast aside as Gray continues to grow, so I guess for now I just have to hold on to what I can.