Okay, so I have this question about peer pressure. Now, we all know that growing up we heard plenty of people telling us not to give into peer pressure. "Just because your friends are doing it doesn't mean you have to do it too." "Don't let your friends pressure you into anything." And my absolute favorite, "If all of your friends are jumping off of a bridge are you going to jump, too?"
That being said, WHY DO WE USE PEER PRESSURE ON OUR KIDS ALL THE TIME??? Any new experience that we have with Grayson, whether it be swimming or riding in his bike trailer, inevitably goes something like this: "Look what Jimmy's doing. Doesn't he look like he's having fun? Don't you think you should get in the pool/trailer/sand pit/pile of poo, too?"
I don't think I realized just how much we do this until this past weekend. And I was really concerned. What am I teaching my child? So what if he doesn't want to get wet. He'll figure it out eventually on his own and when he finally does it will probably be with a giant leap into the water. And one of these days we'll be proud of the fact that Gray did not join little Jimmy in the pile of poo.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
6 comments:
Infinitely true.
I know I try not to do this but some times it is hard... Some times we try to use this line of thinking in a good way (for us...) Like see the other kids sitting quietly in the shopping cart! Okay totally kidding. It really is a self serving thing isn't it?! Sigh... why must all good things be SO bad?!
So funny that you wrote about this! I've been thinking the exact same thing lately. We do this a lot with getting L to sit on the potty. "Look how Dora sits on the potty in this book. You should try it too." I really do think there can be negative and positive peer pressure. Maybe the difference in us using this kind of peer pressure as parents is that we're just suggesting that our children do/try something but we're not making fun of them if they don't. I think as kids get older they often succumb to peer pressure due to the teasing they endure from their counterparts. Maybe not...but it sounds good, right?:-)
What's hard for me to get over is Liam has a cousin who is two weeks younger and since they are so close in age, I tend to gauge them against each other & I need to stop doing that!! I don't nec. say to him "look at Luccia...she's x, y, & z'ing..." but I do compare & contrast in my head - it's REALLY hard not to when they are SO close though! When do you ever get that opportunity?? Frustrating though :)
Isn't it nice to know we are all struggling with the same things! Kate's visit from her "big" cousin Summer (age 4) really got her into potty training and we certainly talk alot about "sitting on the potty like Summer and Mommy". I figure my kid is like a sponge and picks up enough bad habits from other kids, why not point out some of the good things she can pick up too? ha ha! The comparing to others is one of the things I've struggled with the most since she's been born; why do we DO that to ourselves and our kids?
Hey, I just found your blog and had to comment ... my son, who just turned one, is also named Grayson! It's such an unusual name, I love it that there is another one out there.
As for peer pressure, you might want to just adjust your language with him, but still get the message across. By saying something like, 'Johnny likes playing with the sand toys! See how much fun he is having? Would you like to try them too?' you indicate that his friend is having fun but give him the space to make his own decision about whether or not to follow through with your suggestion.
Same thing goes for potty training ... "Lily can use the potty all by herself! What a big girl! Maybe you would like to try it too, Gray?" The most important thing, IMO, is to let him make that decision about whether or not to actually try/do whatever it is you are encouraging. If he says NO, then say something like "OK! Maybe you'll want to try it next time."
GL!
Just to set the record straight, it's not like I'm telling Gray that he should do anything just because his friends are. I know the difference in how to word my suggestions so that they remain just that. It was just something that kind of hit me one day and made me think. It also made me realize that I don't care what my son's friends are doing, because Grayson will find his way in his own time. He has always been one to stand back and take it all in, but when he's ready, watch out! ;)
Post a Comment