Deep

Grayson has been blowing me away lately with his questions. Deep, probing questions that I'm not really sure how to answer. Questions about dying and "passing away." Questions about guns and who uses them and why. Questions about heaven and where it is. Questions that I really don't have the answer to.

There are very few moments that have left me fumbling since becoming a mom. Yes, there are moments that leave me feeling completely exasperated and crazy, but I usually understand what is going on and what I need to do/say to take care of the crazy moments. But when my little boy looks at me and asks why mommy and daddy's grandpas passed away if they went to the doctor and got all of their shots, I'm left fumbling about for words.

I want to be honest with him, and at the same time want to keep him as innocent as I can for awhile longer. I don't want him to know the pain of the big world out there, the pain of losing someone you love dearly. I don't want him to think about the fact that there are bad people in our world who use guns not to stay safe, but to hurt people.

I don't want to have to think about these deep, probing questions coming out of my 4-year-old's mouth, and I most definitely don't want to think about any of these things impacting my young son's life. But in time, I know they will. So, I answer as honestly as I can. I explain that there are some things that even shots and medicine can't make better. I explain that sometimes people get sick in a different way that makes them want to be mean to other people. I explain as best I can what I think Heaven is and how I feel about it. I reassure him that Mommy and Daddy are going to be here with him for a very long time. And I try to reassure myself that if I dig deep enough, I'll find the exact right answer to give my precious little boy.